Cheese Math

Greetings Listeners

This week I’m going to share my thoughts on YouTube, the ‘future’ of live streaming music and some unorthodox ways to market your music. I’ll break down some ‘cheese math’. A discussion on aliens and dinosaurs along with trivia about a comedy.

Cheese Math

Cheese is the most stolen food in the world.
4 percent of the world’s cheese is stolen.
500 million pounds in the U.S. alone each year.
1.4 million pounds of cheese is stolen in the U.S. each day.
28,000 lbs, per day in every state.

Trivia Time!

Which famous comedian had a brother impersonate him for shows, leading to a lawsuit?
(See below for answer) 

Streaming Live Music on Youtube

I watched Buckets the Drummer perform live in Seattle last Friday. I wasn’t in Seattle, I watched him on YouTube.  If you don’t know who Buckets the Drummer is, he’s known for playing the bucket while wearing a horsehead and a flannel in a bathtub. He is part of The Flannelmals, a group that plays ‘bathroom rock’.

I believe live streaming needs to be a thought on the minds of musicians as a revenue source. This stream was free but it’s an opportunity for people to donate tips virtually while having an audience. Near 300 viewers at once for the live stream (35k views in 7 days). One could stream a 15-minute set once a week on Sundays, make it available only that next week. Robert Fripp and Toya do videos and it’s clear they have fun doing them.

I so often get caught in the loop of shorts but rarely do I see any music coming through on the shorts feed. There is so much opportunity to include your hook in a short form video and have the link to the full video right there for people to click on.

Additionally, HBO is beginning to upload all seasons of Last Week Tonight. While it is basically uploading old news from 10 years ago, it’s quite a move for a premium subscription service to upload full episodes to YouTube.

YouTube seems the most stable of the content services. If I was to start today, I may begin on YouTube and repurpose that content to other ‘channels’ as I’d call them, of IG, TT, etc. Obviously if you have established audiences on different platforms this may not apply but it might be a future base to consider.

Do you believe there is a future in streaming revenues for artists?

Dinosaur History

On this date in 67,052,928 B.C., Trey Hornsby became the first Triceratops to obtain a full scholarship to play basketball. Known for his elite ball handling skills for his size, he led the local high school team to 3 consecutive regional championships. Unfortunately, Trey was not able to adapt his game to the college level and would often get called for charging, leading him to foul out of games. He went on to sell insurance in his hometown. 

Many Rex believed his glory days were done but after his rambunctious coworkers convinced him to join their corporate basketball team, Trey would once again put on the number 17.

Music Promotion Tip: Relieving Stress Makes a Fan

I have always been a fan of low-cost unconventional marketing for bands and musicians. Having played in bands live and done local show promotions dating back to 1994, I’ve done my share of handing out flyers, creating tiny zines and trying to think outside the box when trying to promote with little to no budget. Here is one tip that may seem like a joke, but you may not find a more loyal fan than when you relieve their stress.

Customer service reps deal with customers all day, so imagine how they will feel when you just called them to play your song to them? This may work better if your music is relaxing but I guarantee they will appreciate taking a few moments to listen to your song rather than a complaining and yelling customer. You may even be able to play your entire discography for them.

While this may seem an outlandish idea or you may brush it off as a quick joke, I have talked to someone who had worked as a customer service rep for 15 years. They agreed with me. Stating that it was very rare to get those type of calls, or ones that would call and simply tell them they are appreciated, I was told those who got those calls were seen as legends among their peers, having received one of the most rare of calls that gave them a break from listening to customer complains for eight hours a day. You’d appreciate it, wouldn’t you?

Take a chance with promoting your music in silly and fun ways. Those are the most memorable experiences for fans.

Do you have any unconventional methods of promotion? Feel free to leave a comment or reach out by email (below).

Projecting onto Aliens

We, as humans, tend to project our expectations of perfect bodies onto Extraterrestrials. They are always portrayed as skinny bodies with big, beautiful eyes, large brains and sparkling personalities, all traits some will shame other humans for not having.

What will happen when bipeds from other planets show up and have spent all their days eating intergalactic cheeseburgers, sitting on the couch playing video games before they were voted off their planet as unproductive and shipped off to the dark void of space in an outdated tin can of a ship that can't even land without crashing into a random planet?

Are we to believe that all outer space beings are immune to addictions, emotions, and desires for their own selves? That they evolved beyond all selfish wishes? What evidence do we have to believe that to be true? Only our minds convincing us that they must have evolved into a Utopian society or they are somehow on 'another level' beyond us. We've had zero examples of any societies or cultures that are like that so why are we convinced these Otherworldly beings would be?

This poll shows that 31% don’t believe in Aliens flying around space while 9% have been abducted.

Bandcamp Listening Parties

Have you had a listening party for your album on Bandcamp or attended one for another artist?

I’m interested in exploring this feature more. I think it’s an interesting way to highlight an album. It’s not required to be a new release. You can use it to promote a weekend discount on your music or during a Bandcamp Friday. It is promoted to all your followers also. If you plan an upcoming Bandcamp listening party, leave a comment in the section below. I may be able to promote it or join.

Fun with Amazon Product Images

Amazon often has goofy product images. I made this one even more so. It wasn’t until after I made this image that I learned that there are dogs that do drive cars. It seems like a wacky idea but at least I know they won’t be texting someone while behind the wheel.

Short Bits

• Bob Dole invented the pineapple.

• Richard Simmons apparently spent his off time writing songs over the years. He is now releasing 3 songs per week on Youtube. Featuring Chris and Kathy Phillips, it includes hits such as ‘Hairdo’.

• Stuntman and Jackass star, Johnny Knoxville said on the Howie Mandel Podcast that he gets nauseous riding the Scrambler and the teacups. He rides them anyway because his daughter loves to see him get sick. An interesting tidbit for a stuntman to be ill from basic carnival rides. We all have our Achilles heel. Howie hosts the show with his daughter. If you enjoy awkward comedy I recommend giving it a chance.

Creative Opportunities

A couple opportunities for creative people interested in collaborations.
At this current time I am looking for:

Music Compilation: Winstrumental
I would like to work on a compilation album of Winter Instrumentals of various artists to distribute and spread awareness of great instrumental music. I have published physical CD’s in the past and would like to do so again. If you are interested in this project, visit the project page. Note, this does require purchase of some CD’s to help the project.
Quarterly Music Compilation | Canvas, Chords, Comedy

Book of Essays:
The Sorta-annual Book of Essays project is looking for submissions of humor, wit, rants and musings to publish in December of 2024. If you would like to submit an essay, visit the project page.
Sorta-Annual Book of Essays | Canvas, Chords, Comedy

Burt In July

I’ve lowered the price of my album ‘Burt In July’ for May 4th weekend.

Click Here

$1.68 for a limited time only. Use code ‘May4th’.

Four 10+ minute down tempo, down tuned, bass centric, space groove (mostly) instrumentals written over the course of one month. during a 'time trial'.

"I like the meditative qualities while I am doing the dishes." -Abraham Lincoln.

Limited Edition Art Packs by DB Gatchell

I had this in the past newsletter, but I will be adding a few new packs soon.

Each pack will contain 3 prints of limited original artwork. 

Each card: 
- Original Art Print on front gloss side 
- Information and fun on back side 
- 4x6” and printed on 14pt card stock. 
- Only 250 of each will be printed.  

$15 – pack containing all three card prints. 
$30 – all three card prints + an original 4x6” artwork 
(shipping $3 US / $5 World) 
 
You can find more information at:
Gatch Cards - Art Pack 01 – Gatchman's Gallery

Trivia Answer: 

Leo Gallagher, famed spokesperson for the kitchen tool Sledge-O-Matic, gave his younger brother permission to perform his act publicly as long as it was clear he wasn’t Leo. When Ron began billing the show as Gallagher Too, his brother asked him to stop being vague and smashing produce. When Ron continued, Leo sued him and won. Ron could never be caught impersonating his brother again. A tricky situation considering he looked just like him.

Leo also had a long-standing bitterness towards Carrot Top, claiming he stole his material, as if he invented prop comedy despite Carrot Top considering him a mentor. You can see Carrot Top talk about this relationship as Gallagher descends into a bizarre paranoia on Neal Brennan’s Podcast, ‘Blocks’. An excellent podcast that deals with the blocks in our daily lives and how people push through them.
Carrot Top vs. Gallagher (youtube.com)

Corn Dog!

Thanks for listening. I appreciate you all and have a great week.

Rock on!

DB ‘Gatch’ Gatchell

contact at canvaschordscomedy dot com